3 posts tagged “forgiveness”
No matter what side of the stress coin you find yourself there's one thing I know that adds to our stress level like no other: holding on to a grudge.
Coming back to systems theory for a moment, I find that grudges are not only emotionally charged, but like all charged emotions found in Systems Theory, have the power to reach out and hurt not only the person from whom they emminate, but the person for whom they are directed at. Emotions are like radio waves...we can't see them, but they are there.
Selwyn Hughes, in her devotional Everyday With Jesus makes it even clearer. She wrote: "Walter Alvarez, a medical doctor and counsellor, says: 'I often tell my patients they cannot afford to carry grudges or maintain hates. Such things can make them ill and tire them out. I once saw a man kill himself inch by inch, simply by thinking of nothing but hatred for a relative who had sued him. Within a year or two he was dead.' A grudge or a resentment is sand in the machinery of life."
So what's a soul to do who has been so wounded?
Let it go!
Grudges are toxic, dangerous, and threaten not only the spiritual life of a person, but a persons body as well. Letting it go frees the body, the mind, and the spirit.
One more example from Hughes. She writes: "I read the story of a Japanese boy, who, a few years after the Second World War had ended, entered a public speaking contest and announced his subject as 'The Sacredness of Work'. Some of the people smiled at his choice of subject, but when they herard the story behind it their smiles turned to tears. His parents and home were burned to ashes in the atomic bomb explosion at Nagasaki. He was the eldest of three surviving children, and together they knelt in the ashes of their home and prayed to know what to do. One of the children said:'I know what we can do-we can work.' So they set to work, gathering bits of tin and boards, and soon they had a little hut in which to live. They could have nursed their grudge and become gloomy; instead they forgave, forgot and went to work."
Care to be free from the pain? Let is go!
Yours for the reign of God,
Ron
To my amazement and I hope to the amazement of the American people, GM printed an apology letter to the nation. Here is an excerpt from what they said:
“While we’re still the U.S. sales leader, we acknowledge we have disappointed you. At times we violated your trust by letting our quality fall below industry standards and our designs become lackluster. We proliferated our brands and dealer network to the point where we lost adequate focus on our core U.S. market. We also biased our product mix toward pickup trucks and SUVs. And we made commitments to compensation plans that have proven to be unsustainable in today’s globally competitive industry. We have paid dearly for these decisions, learned from them and are working hard to correct them by restructuring our U.S. business to be viable for the long-term.”
GM essentially failed in its mission…and it seeks to make amends.
Do you know what the mission of the church is? Simply this: to reconcile the world to God. Our mission, our ministry, our work in the world is about being in relationship: with each other, with our neighbors (near and far away) and with God. And the failure of the auto industry reminds us of how very broken indeed our relationships are. Jim Wallace of Sojourners Magazine puts it like this:
“Part of what scares us when we see a company like GM collapsing is that we can see our own vices writ large against the sky. When we hear that these companies have been producing not the best that they could, but only what would just get by, we think of our own failings. When credit freezes up and lenders do not trust borrowers or borrowers trust their lenders, we think of all the times that we have refused trust to others and the times that we’ve broken the trust that has been extended to us. When we watch the bubble burst, we see the futility of our own greed and our inability to say that enough is enough.”
How do we move beyond brokenness to something new and right? It begins with forgiveness. There are some things that cannot be fixed by angry indignation. Sometimes we need to begin anew, clear the books, start out the new year with a freshness found only in new beginnings. Indeed, that’s what the year of jubilee was about…clearing away old debts and old grudges to make things right…because, just like car companies, just like governments, just like churches, and families, and individuals, we all lose our way. I believe the best gift you can give yourself this year is not so much a new gym membership, but rather forgiving all those in your debt. It’s all about being in relationship.
Yours for the reign of God,
Ron
“It seems to me,” began my spiritual director, “that you have issues around forgiveness that need to be addressed.” He hit me right where I live. Forgiveness is the one element that with out which there is little hope in the world. I’ve written about it, pray about it, talk about it, and now here is my spiritual director, a monk of the Order of Holy Cross, calling me out on that which I’ve strived so hard to live out.
“You know,” he continued, “anger is like poison to the body of Christ. You may not think you’re hurting anyone by staying angry, but really your hurting the other person and yourself.” The self part I knew he had right. While anger is a natural part of the human condition, anger unreleased and unrepentant is toxic, and not just to the individual, but to the body of Christ. Whether we accept it or not, we are all connected to one another. This is especially true for Christians. We are reminded of this every time we hold a baptism, every time we recite the baptismal covenant.
Furthermore, after a moment of reflection, I knew that he was correct about hurting the person we are angry with too. He was thinking more about Zen when he made the comment. I on the other hand reflected on the work of Ed Friedman, the author of the book Generation to Generation.
In his work, Friedman establishes the boundaries of what is known as “Systems Theory.” One of the tenets of the theory is that emotions are like magnetic fields…you can’t see them, but they are out there and they have power. Emotions have the power to heal and to hurt no matter how great the distance. And so, my wise spiritual director was right...painfully right.
What does one do with unrepentant anger? Repent. My director’s suggestion goes like this: “Say in your prayers through God to the one whom you are angry at, ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.’ And then, give thanks to God.” Now, most of us could care less about saying any of this…we are angry and with reason…just reason. However, recall what was written earlier: this stuff is toxic! If you find yourself where I have been (note the past tense) let it go!
Some may ask, “Why are you sharing this?” Consider it another tool in your spiritual tool box, a help in bring you and the body of Christ to deeper health. Indeed, this might make for a good Lenten discipline (which is early February). God’s blessings on the journey towards forgiveness.
Yours for the reign of God,
Fr. Ron
